Surviving the Beautiful Chaos

I wanted to start with how parenthood ain't easy and whoever said it's pretty lied, but taking a step back it's easy to see that even in the chaos life is beautiful in its own twisted way. I think one of the biggest misconceptions behind conscious/gentle parenting other than there are no consequences is that it works perfectly. You're expected to have all the answers, less chaos and have it a lot more together versus the parent who yells constantly and hits.

This is far from wrong. If anything this parenting method takes the focus off the child -because children will be children- and places focus on the adults. The way we react in the moment of chaos sets the tone for it all.

This morning was PURE CHAOS. So many things flashed through my head in the moment but I KNEW I had to walk out and walk away. The chaos would still be there but I get to choose where I am in that moment. I took the longest pause known to mankind until my hands stopped shaking. I took all the deep breathes. I reminded myself hitting isn't okay, it solves nothing, it's an ego move that you cry about later. Now, don't let me getting the first step right fool you. I didn't yell much but I did not use kind words. A threat or two came out. I started out loud then realized it's pointless and triggers the brain. (Which isn't okay and I apologized for after stepping away again some more)

This week period has truly tried me in every way possible wondering if I'm doing anything remotely right. The reminder came that after the chaos and things got cleaned up my children were still able to hug and find a connection moment with me before school. I know parents assume when your children try to connect with you after doing what they are not supposed to it's a manipulation move, but it's not. Always assume good intent and know your child seeks to love you and seeks connection after correction and that is 100% okay. Does that mean the issue won't occur again? No, but it's a welcoming calm after the chaos and a good reminder that it ain't gotta be all together we are growing together.

Looking back on all the chaos there are things I did great and things to work on. Deep down....I mean DEEP DEEP DEEP DEEP down currently, I'm forever grateful for this journey in parenting. Kids are in school, happy, loved, and fine. I'm home continuing to diffuse, reflect, and making a plan to grow on my end.

C'est La Vie.

This is life.

The life of an imperfect ever immersive mama.