Cultivating Problem Solvers

As a fellow problem solving human, I aim to inspire the same in my children. I feel part of my job as a parent is to help create little problem solvers and in doing so create balanced, self regulated tiny humans. The best part of respectful parenting is the way it aims to normalize and humanize. Everyone makes mistakes.

(Everybody has those days! Aaannyways excuse that Hannah Montana song break)

Everyone has problems. Gentle parenting cultivates a fix it and take responsibility mindset over administering constant consequences and I value that. Problem solving is an important skill to have that'll be utilized all throughout life. It creates resiliency in children which is key for healthy well-rounded development. I have go to steps I use to remind myself on how to model and help my children through solution based problem solving.

Step 1 : Model emotional regulation and co regulate when necessary. When problems arise even as an adult, I have a tendency to get overwhelmed and allow the anxiety to take over. It's important to remember my emotional regulation steps. Taking a deep breath to bring yourself back from the edge is good for big and tiny humans. Take a breath with your child and regulate with them to bring them back so the problem isn't overwhelming.

Step 2: Get inquisitive! When a problem arises, ask questions to get the gears turning in your mini humans head. Why do you think this happened? What is exactly the problem here? If you can name the problem that's the first step to fixing it.

Step 3 : Sort through the solutions and pick the best one. Depending on your littles age they may be able to do this with little leading, or you may have to walk through this with them. After naming the problem, brainstorm multiple solutions. Sort through and see what is the best one. Solutions may be neck and neck, so trying more than one may be necessary.

Step 4: It at first you don't succeed try, try, try again! It's good practice for the first solution you try not to be it. This builds resiliency, problem solving skills, patience, and perseverance. Problem solving is a process and often times an imperfect one, but it's a process that has the potential to cultivate so many great life skills. Failing once isn't the end all to the process and this is important to note. Normalize failure and then dusting the boots off and trying again. It's like a puzzle piece if one doesn't fit grab another and try!

As they grow and get older the steps will come naturally, but they may need reminders. Even adults still need collaboration when it comes to solving problems so never hesitate to help your child. Most parents see it as coddling, but reframe that and remember it's collaboration and even the smartest and oldest of us needs assistance with our conundrums. When all that is said and done, the biggest lesson here is it's okay to make mistakes and have problems.Taking the shame out of having problems and making mistakes creates an amazing atmosphere for growth in your children. Normalize being problem solvers and using collaboration to do so then watch the connection grow between you and your little!